Whitney, My love...

Whitney, My love was the first of at least 6 Historical Romances written by Judith McNaught that had me utterly spellbound. I'm not much of a "Romance Fiction" person, but it was more her style of writing, and her way of spinning an actual story around very strong, endearing and life-like characters that is somehow not so hard to believe that made me her eternal fan.

Her protagonists actually have some flaws that they overcome, and there definitely is some adversity at certain points of the story, that makes the story a tad more realistic than what is expected out of a Romance novel. It has the salient features of a romance novel, definitely, but in my opinion, she has manged to pick out the right ones, like the male protagonist being the athletic, powerful, masculine, handsome stranger and the lady who is stunning and delicate but not exactly all that porcelain doll-like, a little brazen, willful, headstrong and wily - you may have noticed the cleaver contrasts in her characters. I've read a few other romance novels that are tiresome in the fact that they are startlingly unrealistic, with characters that seem to have absolutely no flaws, have the perfect romance and a happily ever after, which I find very hard to believe. No one is ever perfect, and only a fake relationship looks perfect, since there is nothing going on in the first place to even have misunderstandings over, no expectations to be met, no hurt because there are no feelings involved.

So Judith McNaught's story telling, to me, felt, not like a story, but more like the narration of an experience, and I feel very close to her characters, and I feel their joy, pain, love, anger and everything else, as my own, which I believe is her biggest success.

Any ordinary reader will find a true connection with her characters at at least one point, and Whitney's willful behaviour as a young girl is what I found in common. I was a similar type, childish, a busy body, willful, just doing something out of curiosity and ending up getting punished by someone or the other. Then, sulking over being the only one to be punished. I have felt the same way, with everyone having something to say about my naughtiness, and now, how I've changed. Like her, I also left home when I was 15 and I like to believe that I "grew up". :)

 
                 Like most love stories in real life, there is a spell of pure joy and excitement, then resentment, anger, attraction, marriage and so many other things to it that makes the story complete. I appreciate the fact where the story doesn't stop after marriage, with "and they lived happily ever after". This a direct contrast from the usual "Mills and Boon" that constantly describes the two individuals and their attraction. It's mostly the meeting of two perfect strangers, and how they can never be apart. When they aren't in the same room, they're thinking about each other. Everything that goes on is all about, despite or because of their attraction. That's the story. There's nothing more to it.

In these 6 novels, it is understood that there are certain parts to each other that they dislike, but their love blossoms despite all that.  Most people who have been in love might be able to relate to that, of knowing that there are going to be certain things we aren't going to like but loving them anyway to the point where one day, we love them exactly for those little imperfections.

In all of her stories, Judith McNaught makes the emotions conveyed palpable, her characters more life-like and her Historical Romances, all 6 of them, in my opinion, were compelling, fast paced and left me wanting more. I read each of her books compulsively, in under a week. I felt every moment, loved every description. In fact, I couldn't help but picture my favourite, Hugh Jackman as Clayton Westmoreland, who fits the description so perfectly.
Of all the book series I've been through, this was one that I felt like I still haven't had enough. Even though each of her 6 books on Historical Romance were on average 500-700 pages long, they were page turners, with a rich, compelling story that always left me wanting more.

On a more personal note, since Whitney, my love was my first of the series, I find myself deeply in love with Clayton. He was one character who, despite his fiery temper and arrogance, appealed to me, and quite literally, touched my heart.

I'm thrilled to hear that there is an upcoming addition to the Westmoreland Saga, Someone Like You (2014) which is ironic, because one of Hugh Jackman's movies, earlier on, was also named Someone Like You(2001), which was shortly after his appearance as The Duke of Albany in Kate and Leopold(2001)  :)



A second opinion: http://www.likesbooks.com/cgi-bin/bookReview.pl?BookReviewId=3519

Hugh Jackman - the complete man

 

I've had many favourite actors, but I've not really been so in love with any of them, at least not this way. I have immense love and respect for this man. The first time I saw him was when I watched "The Prestige" and "Kate and Leopold" -at this point, I just had a school girl crush on him, that just wouldn't go away. When I saw him in "Australia", I knew I was in love. Not just for his dashing looks, majestic gait and extremely charming ways. There was a certain honesty in his eyes, a confident, masculine and very admirable aura to him, the way he carried himself in whatever costume he wore - it just makes you fall hopelessly in love with him...and whatever role he played, he was incredibly convincing at it, especially when he played negative roles like in "Deception" and "The Scoop". In "Kate and Leopold", his character was so convincing, that I used his image when I read about handsome Dukes in historical romances, like those of Judith McNaught. 


Also, I find that every movie he has acted in is very good to watch, since we are watching a complete performer at work, and I guess we can tell that most of his movies have been carefully selected. I love each and every one of them, and have watched most of them repeatedly. Even in "The Stories of Lost Souls" that is a collection of short films, the part that he acted in wasn't boring or dull. He's so good at what he does that it seems to come very effortlessly, and his stage performances look very natural and unrehearsed, which I believe is also a great talent, in and of itself.


I also watched "Swordfish", "Someone Like You", "Real Steel", "Van Helsing", "The Fountain", "The Scoop", "Flushed Away", "Happy Feet", "Stories of Lost Souls", "Deception" and all the "X-men movies".

I watched X-men later on, so it wasn't only because of the Wolverine fever for me. I used to watch video clips of his interviews and  his stage performances, and woah...I'm beyond enchanted.

The "little big" things: 


Christened: Hugh Michael Jackman
DOB: 12th October 1968
Born in: Sydney, NSW (but of British decent)
Height: 6'3" (1.89m)
Family: last in a family of 5, has 2 sisters and 2 brothers, raised by his father since his parents divorced when he was only 8. He has a younger half sister, since his mother remarried and later on, moved back to England. (one of his paternal great-grandfathers was Greek)
Spouse: Deborra-Lee Furness
Children: Oscar, 11, Ava, 6 (both adopted)
First stage performance: 1985, in his school's production of "My Fair Lady" (a hobby)
First Girlfriend: Penny
Education: BA in Communications - he did a one-year drama course in his final year for additional credits. After his graduation, he did a one year course called "The Journey" at the Actors' Center in Sydney, after which he attended the Western Australian Academy of Performing Arts of Edith Cowan University in Perth, Western Australia, from which he graduated in 1994.
Employment: On the night of his final Academy graduation performance, Jackman received a phone call offering him a role on Correlli: "I was technically unemployed for thirteen seconds", he says.
After this, he starred in:
- a few TV Series
- 2 more movies, "The Paperback Hero" and "Erskinevile Kings"
After this, he travelled to America to audition for the role of Wolverine, a role for which, he was in fact, a whole foot taller, and, although his wife asked him not to take the role, he got the role 10 months after he had auditioned for it. 


He said: "Americans are the most generous country on the planet. I've worked in Europe, I've worked in Australia. There is no where else where you get absolutely no attitude for being a foreigner. If you do your job well, they embrace you.


People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" in 2008.


I agree...oh...do I so totally agree.

He is such a friendly celebrity, whose keyword would be "ease". Ease on stage, easy to talk to, ease in general. His charisma is just unbelievably enchanting. There hasn't been a single movie of his that I've missed, or any that I've not seen at least 5-10 times at least. I've also seen his clips many times, at least the ones that I've seen. I particularly enjoyed his performances at the Oscar awards and the Tony awards immensely. My biggest regret is that I couldn't go to his Broadway performances this time.
This is his Oscar performance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Terhj8mjPwY

As a human being, his devotion to his wife and children despite his difficult childhood is beautiful to see. He is so easy going, friendly and sweet. In one particular interview, the host offered him some sweets from Australia, his homeland, and he wasn't shy - he was so happy to see the tray of sweets and then he didn't wait for anyone to tell him to start - he just dug in, telling the host about which ones had the typical taste, and which ones didn't. I honestly forgot, for a moment, that I was watching the extremely talented celebrity we know, and felt like a friend in his dining room. 

His wife, Deborra-Lee Furness is 13 years his senior, a famous Australian actress and the survivor of a particularly tragic car accident, from which she suffered burns and severe injuries. Hugh met Deborra when they were both starring on Australian TV show, Corelli in 1991. By then, she was an accomplished actress while it was just his first acting gig.

She spoke of how, at age 49, she had been resolute on the fact that she wouldn't date a man under 30, and definitely not an actor, but then, she meets Hugh Jackman, who knew, right from the start, that he had met his soulmate - he also admitted that he has had a crush on her for a very long time. Within 3 months of dating her, he started planning to propose, and he proposed to her in a very beautiful setting over a romantic dinner in a park, and in his own way - no clichees, no second thought, and till date, he appreciates and loves her. He says that being married to her is particularly rewarding because they fall deeper in love everyday. I think that, to hear a man say that is more than just beautiful.


Apparently they make their relationship work by not working at the same time, and Deborra also lets out that our favourite hero is a simple man at home. She says that he insists on helping around the house simply caz he was raised to do so. 

In interviews, he speaks of his son, Oscar, very fondly, as he would speak of his own, when Oscar is, in fact adopted. His daughter is also adopted, her name, Ava. Both of them were adopted after they suffered 2 miscarriages that they both say was the most darkest times of their lives.

He embraces his role as a father so completely, and says that he wants to give them a safe, secure childhood, unlike what he had after his mother left them when he was only 8. He's most definitely a very "hands-on" dad.










Becoming a father, I think it inevitably changes your perspective of life. I don't get nearly enough sleep. And the simplest things in life are completely satisfying. I find you don't have to do as much, like you don't go on as many outings.

In an interview, he spoke of how his 8 year old son uses his fame to hit on 14 year old girls,  about how he bought his son a wolverine punching bag and how, in a game, his son resolutely supports the team that opposed any team he(Hugh) chose to support.


He also admits to things like these: 


He still gets excited when he stays in posh hotels and flies first class because fame came later on for him.

He said: "I still jump up and down on the bed when I go to five-star hotels, and I get so excited when I go into first class on a plane that I say: 'Woo hoo!'" 

He added: "It didn't happen until I was 30, so none of it's lost on me."

He had to work very hard in drama school, as acting didn't come easily to him. 

"I always loved acting but when I started at drama school I was like the dunce of the class. It just wasn’t coming right to me. Everyone was cooler, everyone seemed more likely to succeed, everyone seemed more natural at it and in retrospect I think that is good. I think it is good to come from behind as an actor. I think it is good to go into an audition thinking 'Man I’ve got to be at my best to get this gig."

His love for his wifey grows everyday:

"I have a terrific marriage, but unlike a lot of relationships where they ebb and flow, no matter what happens you fall deeper and deeper in love every day. It's kind of the best thing that can happen to you. It's thrilling."

"Deb's amazing, nothing fazes her. She doesn't have an ounce of jealousy and there's no competition between us. I've always been romantic - I love Deb more every day."

He dresses up as a sensible stock broker since Deborra fancied a sensible man in finance when she had decided not to end up with a man who was into the same profession as she was in, and although she's been married to Hugh Jackman since 1996, the fantasy remains, and her husband helps her live it out. 


How sweet. He's smart, so very talented and yet so simple,down to earth and so very real.
I also admire his sense of humour and his accent, of course.




The main reason why I love him is because I feel that my soul resonates with his ideals, especially in this one belief that he and I seem to share: 


"To get down to the quick of it, respect motivates me—not success"


(I haven't met or heard of anyone else verbalizing this one thing, that I so strongly believe in as well, so I really felt this instant connection as I read this quote) 

Good Times, Bad Times...

Ever had those times when all of a sudden, after a period of well, mediocre, uneventful living, every single thing seemed to go right, and you had whatever you needed, and then, also, everything you ever wanted, and it looked like nothing could ever go wrong??

Although I never even imagined this to be possible, I did have such a time. It was around the time I turned 21. It felt like as though God and life was almost being far too kind to me. It was almost as if I was walking on clouds - it was a dream-like state of pure, unadulterated joy. Even if something untoward did happen from time to time, it didn't seem too bad because it would get miraculously solved before I had time to hyperventilate over it, or, something wonderful would also happen simultaneously, so that the negativity of the bad thing would just vanish. Either way, I was peaceful, calm and inexplicably joyful. That was when I leant contentment. I learnt to count my blessings, instead of thinking of what I didn't have, and I built up my inner peace and strength. My priorities in life, and my overall attitude towards things I faced in life(good or bad) also changed. Not surprisingly, it was also a time when a multitude of philosophical questions I had were answered - hence the peace. With the help of a church I was attending at the time, and the contagious positivity and inner strength and clarity of a particularly close stranger at the time(one of my current best friends), I leant to harness my neurotic, over-thinking tendencies to the right place. It was a much needed transformation. It prepared me, strengthened and empowered me for the battles I was yet to face in life.

Then, around a year later, things started going south.Very, very slowly at first. So much so that I almost didn't feel the drop, but one thing was for certain - I wasn't walking on clouds anymore. There was peace, and it was a steady, constant state, where I wasn't too happy nor sad. I was just fine. I was still in the state of mind where I could be content. Then I started to feel the drop at a point. I thought things were bad, but I didn't know that it was just the beginning. The period of happiness, though, had empowered me sufficiently, to look at the trouble in a different way. I didn't worry about the problems I faced. I was intent on dealing with it instead, and so I did. For a year thereon, things did happen. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is the worst problem, most of them hit a low 4 or 5, and were dealt with quickly. There was one thing though, that scarred me for life. It was the loss of my phone that I had bought at the start of my good times.

At times, I feel that it was symbolic - because, when I bought that phone, it was at that exact moment that my good times began, and on losing it, was the beginning of one of the darkest times of my life. Whatever the explanation to that thought is, this is what it seemed to be.

Shortly after I lost my phone, I enrolled for my Masters Programme. Things seemed to go wrong right from the start. There was no proper college accommodation, the place took getting used to, the syllabus was extremely vast,  difficult, time was very limited, we were loaded with piles of work to do apart from just studying, there were exams ALL THE TIME and my health was definitely not corporating.  I had a lot of trouble adjusting to my roommate's attitudes(that was a battle in and of itself), there was absolutely no holiday, no distraction, and I'm not sure how everyone else felt, but I was treading on eggshells all the while. Every single thing seemed to get me in trouble. There were hardly any occasions, and if there were any, they were all seriously under-rated and not fun. People were too serious, and everywhere I turned, I saw heady nerds, intoxicated by what the lecturers so spiritedly shoved down their throats - no, not just intoxicated - possessed.

That was so totally unlike what I was used to - every institution I had previously attended went about organizing functions in a grand and methodical way, not in a hurriedly thrown together way like this college seemed to find nice. In all the institutions I had previously attended, extra-curricular activities had been given importance. They wanted us to study, but not all the time. True, caz studying ALL the time is excruciatingly boring. It freaking hurts my head. Don't get me wrong, in this new college, their standards in teaching were extremely high and up-to-date, suiting international standards, and the syllabus was non restrictive - you could learn as much as you want with no qualms - in fact, the more you know, the better - but, they also make the mistake of making it look like our lives depended on it. Studying was all there was to life - it was chief. Eat, don't eat, sleep, don't sleep, bathe, don't bathe, they don't care so long as you can rattle off answers to any question they may randomly shoot at you. Studying is important, definitely, but it isn't everything, in my opinion.

When your house is on fire, you don't recall answers from what you learnt in class - well, maybe you do, if you learn related subjects, but you get my point - what's important at that time is a presence of mind and common sense to act wisely at that time. 

In that time, I was just dying to hit a refresh button and start over. Instead, I was forced to keep ploughing on,  while many others dropped out. The pressure drove a third of my class to leave the class, but I was one of those who refused to let any of it consume me. I chose to fight to the end. I still am. The result? It was excruciating at first, as I felt the plummet, as it gained momentum and I was stretched almost to breaking point when "BAM!" - I hit rock bottom. I had a severe mental block - I just could not set my mind to concentrate, and so I failed all my subjects. While some others around me cried over their failure, I was curiously benumbed. Of course, I felt upset, but I knew that it was going to happen - I expected to fail, but just not all of it. Well, then. I started scratching the walls, trying to find my way out of the deep dark hole I found myself in. It was the plummet(the sharp decline) that took its toll on me, my health and my spirit. Once I was past that, and the worst that had to happen had happened, I was just looking for a way to deal with the situation at hand, my failure.

The worst that happened during this time was the humiliation of being underestimated and, in general, being treated like a stupid person, which I know I'm not. Well, then there was also the humiliation of being lectured over and over again about how I must "work hard, and not waste time and my parents' money" by just about anyone. There was hardly anything I could say that wasn't rude. Sometimes I did retort, but then, I got tired of it, and then I just started ignoring. To some, that wasn't bad. To me, it was hell. I did my best to keep all of it buried. Only twice did the irritation really hit me hard, and I broke down. It was when a lecturer scolded me, treating me like an imbecile - add that to exam tension, and you get an explosion from within. This happened when they were conducting internals(for repeaters) for me. Since I value self respect more than life, it was particularly traumatic.

Most of this settled down when I shifted to a place where I could live by myself, and cook my own food, presented a research paper, then, a symposium - my presentations somehow managed to impress them. Also, my mother came to stay with me to help me out with the food and morale. She also took me travelling on one particular weekend to a temple. Travelling does wonders to my mindset. The mental block I was experiencing was slowly lifting, but still, I had to work very, very hard even to get what work I did get done. My pace had moved from frozen(stopped) to slow.Well, then, another exam came and went. I cleared 2 papers, failed 2 and wasn't allowed to appear for one.

Then, another semester began. I started it with the fear of how I would be able to handle another semester and its work load, internals, practicals and well, this time, I had a total of 7 papers to give. So you can imagine the relief I felt when I was told that I was being given this semester off to study, which means I have a good 3-4 months ahead in which I could study.

Weirdly, the first 3 weeks went for waste. All I did was sleep. Meanwhile, I also spent some time cooking my own food. Cooking was a helpful diversion. Then, I spent another 2-3 weeks finishing up the 2nd semester records I had left. The next one month, my 2 friends and I went about looking for a project to do for the next semester. After much searching, we finally got a favourable response from one place. We looked some more, and then settled for what we had got. We had almost 2 months ahead at this point - not quite, but almost. I started studying.

In that one month, I spent one weekend in Tirupathi with a friend and another 2 days in Chennai - it was a college trip. Spending time with some friends I had managed to make helped to clear my mind too. Once I got back, I had enough fun to be able to finally set my mind to work. I studied this time like my life depended on it, the block had finally lifted completely. While the long process of examinations went by, my friends and I had more fun. We went out to eat different types of food, spent a night in the college doing group study, I cooked a couple of times and invited friends over and they also stayed over at my place a couple of times.
At this point, I had earned my peace back again. I had also learnt to look at my problems in an out of body sort of a way. So Kanye West knew what he was saying when he said "Th-th-that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger."
Hence proved: ALL WORK AND NO PLAY does make people dull. :P

On Opinions..

People, people, people. Irrespective of how the "Good Old Days" we so frequently hear the elders talking about were, people are no longer fun in large numbers. On thinking a bit more on why I feel that way, I have no other answer than the fact that everyone seems to have non-concordant opinions. EVERYONE. I'm no exception, because to be opinionated is human. The degree to which they feel entitled to it may vary, but all of them have opinions that they want to express - some are sensitive about how they come about expressing their opinions, but most people aren't. Some are even vicious, and their main intent lies in judging and hurting people or dis-empowering them, to probably try and thwart their performance and growth in whatever they are doing.

Some of us in conservative Indian families are raised to be 'people-pleasers', to look for approval, to be the good girl who no one comments about(in a bad way, I mean). We strive to try to be the well brought up daughter who:
-constantly thinks: money, Money, MONEY, Gold, GOLD!!!!
- dresses the right way,
- has perfectly oiled hair that falls well below her waist and is slicked back in a tight, thick braid that ends in a tassel,
- is neither fat nor thin
- isn't too fair or dark,
- has good features and
- is just the right height,
- a girl who finds the right clichees to be said at the right times,
- speaks exactly the right amount,
- who absolutely loves to gossip endlessly, enjoying one's downfall and envying another's success,
- pursues gold, money, Kancheepuram saris,
- loves cooking, TV serials...and gossip!
- speaks in lakhs and crores about money they never even thought about contributing to earn..
- remains primitive and small minded even if she may have accolades to her name

Oh yes, and she preferably should have no brain behind all that oiled hair, so that she never refutes whatever anyone says, and what they say just doesn't sound like nonsense - so that she can spiritedly agree to everything they say.

In short, she should be as shallow as possible, and MUST NOT pose a challenge to any of them or their offspring. She should happily or regretfully agree that she is less than their offspring, then - and only then - is she praised to be humble, obedient and very sweet.

If these people get to sit on a throne up top and spy on how the rest of the world suffers a mediocre living while they live comfortably, and prosperously, wallowing in specially designed beds of money, well, that's the ideal life, as far as they are concerned. They fight like hissing, spitting cats over the tiniest things among themselves. They hold baseless grudges, they compete over "Who's the richest, who has the biggest house or car or the most expensive jewellery or sari".

Some of them even go as far as talking science where they have absolutely no knowledge on the subject, save for a few hastily picked up words and terms they use to concoct a theory that is mostly wrong. For example, the most common thing I've heard, is that they think that a nerve is the same as a blood vessel. Those who know, know that that notion is just wrong - nerves and blood vessels have different origins, totally different functions and look totally different.

I don't usually interrupt these great minds at work, trying hard to make a viable story out of the random words they pick up. With no background knowledge to support their story, they do have a considerably massive task at hand. I choose not to comment while they give their dissertation on their extensive research, since there is nothing I can say at that point - these Einsteins are too far gone, so I'd rather let them do their thing, so that they get to enjoy their illusion that they are unqualified doctors.

This ideal girl also knows to bend over backwards to please anyone and everyone - we always fail, of course, since most of us have at least ONE thing that these people find wrong about us to endlessly gossip, even long after we grow out of all the "baby fat", so to speak. These people constantly remind us, even at 40 about the pimples that covered our face when we were 14. So for us, these gatherings are particularly traumatic, to hear Einstein after Einstein make theories on why we aren't perfect, and to listen to extended discourses that continue from meeting to meeting on how we should be more like their offspring, or how their offspring are better than us(even if these are mostly lies or illusions).

These Einsteins just cannot understand how people who don't have crores to boast about can live a content life filled with peace and joy. To them, that is just not possible, caz money is their lifeblood. How can someone live with so little of it? I mean, like, really? Is that even possible? What's that? Did I hear principles? Oh yes, I have principles, loads of them, I have more than you. Well, true, these Einsteins have principles that have one thing in common. MONEY. How to get it, how to double it, how to swindle, steal, borrow, mis-manage, hide, show off, take, etc. All things money. To them, money is God. They would probably feed on it, bathe with it, swim in it and sleep with it, if it was possible. You never know - that's probably what they are researching in secret at the moment.

If there is one line that would get an award for being  frequently repeated, it's "I have more than you, I'm better than you". If it isn't said, it is meant. Most of the time, it isn't true, and at times, they don't even know why they are saying it, but they have the need to be better, to have more. What does that spell out to you? G-R-E-E-D.

 Being around them is a lot of work, because, they make their often unworthy opinions count, and they make the whole thing all about them...their unnecessary anxieties and ambitions tend to rub you the wrong way, making you flustered, unsure, annoyed, depressed and eventually insecure and weirdly exposed - simply because you feel like a foreign body in a circulating system of self cells that you always were supposed to be a part of.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the body's immune system, a foreign body is recognized to not belong in its surrounding and is immediately attacked viscously until it is completely terminated.

To them, love equals a man who can supply their daughters(and them) with an endless supply of money, gold and Kancheevaram Saris or whatever else they fancy. So,

- money = love and happiness
- I know everything, I'm the most experienced
- I have more than you
- I am better than you
- my offspring/brood is the best in the world
- my offspring deserve the best, everyone must worship them
- all other children aren't / can't / shouldn't / mustn't be equal to or better than mine
- if they have money, they're my best friends / siblings
- anyone without money, even my siblings are servants / second class citizens and so, if they aren't well off, I will give them my family's old clothes and all other used things, etc, or maybe, I will buy them expensive things, pay for various things they might not even want because I feel like doing charity - even if they find it insulting.

Luckily, most of us fit in between these two extremes, and so we don't face the worst, but the constant critiquing and the annoying attitudes behind their opinions are exactly what I find disconcerting.

As far as I see, there is hardly any genuinity in the relationships of any type - family, romantic, anything otherwise - of what we see these days.If there is, there are always expectations of varying proportions that many of us can't live up to. Sometimes, simply because what they expect is different from what we, as individuals truly are, we end up having to comply to their expectations of us, and deny ourselves the basic need to be what we truly are.

In whichever way, the philosophy we are taught ends up being proved true - attachment subsequently brings pain that never ends, because it is binding and that we should never put the key to our happiness into another's pocket. In other words, we need not seek approval, for as long as we have thought out every action, and have considered its consequences. If we are sure that we're ready to take responsibility for our own actions, and we know, from deep down(some call it a conscience), that what we are doing is right, and we are true to ourselves and God, then why should we listen to what a truly unrelated individual has to say? What right do they have to make our decisions for us while they will never take part in facing the ensuing consequences?

There remains one question that is unanswered, though. Let's say we're experts at handling ourselves in these situations, and lets say that we are 100% sure of ourselves and what we are doing, then how can we lose a perfectly good opportunity just because someone who is not anywhere in the picture doesn't think you're doing the right thing? They have no idea of the situation you are in, and therefore, will not understand the choices you make. So why look for approval from there?

It's not that I don't like to live among others and have great family ties. I love it, and I long to have ones that mean something, to have people who genuinely love and care for me, not for whatever benefit I might be of at that time or later on.
My friends and I belong to the same era, so there's not much trouble there, but since the world is changing at an extremely fast rate, my family is still quite conservative, save for my parents.

The unanswered question here is this: how is it possible to still be happy and peaceful while being among these unsatiated, constantly disturbed, disturbing, flustered and anxious individuals, knowing that they don't look at you with love and care, but are constantly sizing you up and/or are constantly comparing you either with themselves or their offspring - sometimes verbally, but mostly mentally?

I have tried being desensitized, turning a deaf ear to everything they say that doesn't suit me, but well, that seems to wear out over time, leaving me so furious at times that I tend to forget that I'm a human being. In that state of mind, I feel like a angered beast that is struggling for release. It is true, if I loose control for even a minute, I might possibly even commit murder. Such is the extent to which some of these people can irritate and provoke you. Being around these people for an extended period could possibly make you end up in the loony bin. To others, it has a different effect - one in which their criticism and constant jibber jabber kills spirits of some people.

Is it even possible to handle these situations in a peaceful way? I have resorted to outsmarting them instead, with very little said - that is, to merely state the facts, so that they don't get to justify, argue or even speak any more. It seems to be the only way. Where fools are concerned, I choose not to argue. Since, like the frequently repeated quote, "Fools will bring you down to their level, and then, beat you with experience."