The Importance of Having Perspective...

All of us go through life facing event after event, and perceiving them as problems/opportunities /setbacks /blessings. As much as a lot of us (often, myself included) would love to debate and disagree with this point, what makes an event good or bad is more in the perception of it than the actual nature of the problem itself. Some would even go so far as to say that the problems are not external, but internal - "the monsters that haunt our minds". Granted, some people do have a far more difficult life than others - but time and time again, we read about people who have literally defied all odds, to rise as flowers that bloom in the midst of such adversity. The countless stories of people who made it through world wars, poverty, destitution, famine, and near death never cease to fascinate us because these people saw adversity as opportunity.

This outlook of seeing setbacks as opportunities springs from a) the need to survive, and b) having perspective. A lot of us in what we see as a tough spot can't see past the immediate rush of negative emotions, and we struggle to think objectively, about how the problem can be used to our advantage, but if you have bested a situation - even once in your life, which most us probably have - you'd know that there is an unparalleled sense of accomplishment that comes out of it.

If you scroll through my blog posts, you'll find one that speaks of something similar - "Will it matter in 5 years?" Although it isn't exactly applicable to every situation, I find it useful to use that question in times of conflict, just thinking - "Will this friend of mine still be in my life in 5 years time? Is it worth making the effort to resolve a certain issue? Or is it best to just move on?" It helps me prioritize, for sure, but perspective isn't just about prioritizing, is it? It's about fully understanding a situation for what it is, what it entails, what it requires you to do, where it fits in your life and your vision for the future. This understanding helps you make informed decisions about the little things, giving your life purpose and direction.

Perspective also fuels self awareness as you iron out your own beliefs and find out where you stand, in accordance with various issues. The best thing about perspective, however, is that it can be given, or sought, from a trusted friend.

I love love, but I also fear it because of its power to ravage a person. Wrought with emotion, driven by it, you become almost unrecognizable - there's elation when it goes right - joy and peace, the feeling of being fully accepted, but on the flip side, is insanity, when it doesn't - despair, jealousy/envy, anger and disappointment. It can also make you feel vulnerable and powerless, if your feelings aren't reciprocated. As a result, anyone who knows what's good for them goes through life, carefully protecting their hearts from being broken. And yet, very occasionally, we're lulled into a sense of security, where we let ourselves be swept up by love, and don't get me wrong, it can be great, but it also has the potential to go the other way.

Very recently, I felt immensely burdened by a similar issue, almost to the point where I felt stifled by my negative emotions - I felt like I couldn't escape it, and at a point, I admit, I had started to wallow. My guarded nature makes sure that I am usually a calm, composed person. I'm usually reserved when I'm not among close friends, and in general, I've always been considered the sane, mature one. So you would understand my mortification when every time I met said person, instead of being my best self, I would unintentionally make a massive ass of myself.

Needless to say, the embarrassment I felt only made me mess up more every time, and believe me, the total lack of control is not a good feeling - it's like sitting behind a wheel in a car that drives itself - recklessly, too. My attempts to fix it only seemed to make things worse - to the point where even though I thoroughly enjoyed that person, and the wonderful qualities I admired and respected in him, I dreaded meeting him because I was worried about how I would embarrass myself next.

I couldn't have gotten through this if not for two of my closest friends. One of them, from India, actually would spend hours listening to me talk about this. I'm sure the flood of text messages must have irked him, but he was very patient, and would counsel me through it, making it seem like he was never too far away to talk, in spite of having an incredibly busy schedule.

Try as I might, I could not make myself move on from this person I was in love with, as the person was someone who met my expectations, and I was beyond just smitten - enamored, more like. My every attempt to seem normal would blow up in my face. He did me the kindness of seeming oblivious to my massive fails, but unfortunately, that only made me appreciate him more. In my other best friend's words "I saw him as the perfect male model." We also joked between ourselves that he shouldn't hear it, lest he get a big head, but knowing him, I knew he wouldn't. Pfft! I'm still doing it, aren't I? *rolls eyes* Oh alright, in reality, I responded to my friend's comment about him getting a big head with: "Oh, which one?" *wink* and got a laugh and a high five in return.

Well, the actual reason why I saw him as the perfect male model was because I wish there were more men like him. He is by no means the best looking guy I've ever met, or the strongest or the most educated, but he is one only two of the most masculine men I have ever met, who weren't already married or people I think of as family. I'm definitely not saying that he's ugly, stupid and scrawny - he definitely isn't any of those things, but I have met people who are better in each of the regular categories that women find attracts them to men, but he is IMHO one of the most masculine men I've met so far. Why, you ask? No? Well you know I'm gonna tell you anyway!

He laughs with you and jokes with you, does regular things that others do, but you always feel respected and safe with him around. All the things you would expect of a perfect gentleman, you would see in him.

In a word filled with guys who act like babies or like chauvinists or worse, here was someone I saw as a hero, someone I could trust, and respect and admire. He also had a mind of his own. That's what made him unique. (Okay I can't avoid reading that in a trailer voice)

Anyway, my point of discussing this embarrassing experience was to point out the massive difference it made when I spoke to another best friend about this, who knew me, and the guy I was smitten with. His complete understanding of the situation, my reaction to it and how I was feeling, as a result, completely took me by surprise. This is exactly why I enjoy having best friends who are guys. I have always admired their ability to be objective, and yet be incredibly understanding and supportive. In all my years of having male and female friends, I find that girls are all about telling you what you want to hear, whereas guys tell you what you need to hear. As a person who prefers the latter, I form better friendships with men than women.

Although he could fully empathize with my predicament, he also gave me much needed perspective on how the guy saw it, and what he could have been thinking. Even though some of it was difficult to hear, I found it liberating, to know the things my best friend told me. In a more impressive show of understanding, my best friend answered questions I had been repeatedly asking myself in my mind without even my needing to ask it out loud.

Although I was feeling like a massive idiot for falling for someone who clearly didn't see me that way, feeling so completely understood felt incredibly empowering. He said that I hadn't fallen for someone willy-nilly, I had spent time with this person, made a genuine attempt to get to know him, and that I had fallen for the person, not the person's external attributes, or the idea of him. My favourite line in that conversation was "Of course it would hurt." He also said that my passion and affection should be spent on someone who would be more receptive to it. I felt proud to have someone who could be my voice of reason, because,in my state, I couldn't have explained it better myself.

In this situation, perspective from the right person provided me with much needed closure, and now I feel ready to move on.


Now, now, I understand that my example may seem trivial in comparison to people surviving the holocaust - and indeed it is - but we don't all face situations in life that are as big as surviving the holocaust,do we? Much of our lives are peppered with trivial issues, some of which affect us more than others. It definitely helps to pay attention to the story that our life is, as individuals, we are protagonists of our own stories. It most definitely ties in to my statement, saying that it wasn't the nature of the issue itself that determined the size of the issue, but the perception.

When you give someone  perspective, you're essentially altering their perception of the issue they are struggling to see all of, and sometimes, this can be all that person needs to move on.

That's why I chose this story. First of all, it's relatable - everyone has fallen in love with someone or something in their lives, everyone has faced disappointment in some form and while not everyone may have embarrassed themselves as much as I did, well, now you know what its like, how it feels, and maybe reading what my friend told me may help you gain closure as well, if you are in a similar situation.

I also read an article on Brain Pickings that put things in perspective for me - we often forget that life is ongoing. If we embrace the growth mindset, we would always understand that we don't need to be perfect - we're a work in progress, and that's how we'll be for as long as we live. That way, our mistakes don't feel as crushing, because we'll know that we at least tried, and then, we learn from our mistakes, and constantly look for ways to grow. Now tell me, would you rather put pressure on yourself to constantly prove to be the best at a finite number of qualities you're supposedly born with, or keep adding more feathers to your cap as you go along in life?

On gender roles...

This post will be slightly disjointed, as it contains my opinions and beliefs about gender roles in tandem than me trying to tell a story. 

In the past few decades, there is a less and less need for feminist movements, especially in the first world. The typical urban woman is empowered enough to not actually need a man in her life, an yet, there is still a significant number of women (almost all) who - even secretly - want a man who would cherish and take care of her.

I wouldn't call myself a feminist, not when it is now all about people who take offence for the slightest thing. Our generation is obsessed with everything being politically correct - it's exhausting. I'm not advocating racism or sexism or any kind of discrimination. I'm just against people who are overly sensitive. Me, being non-Caucasian and a woman suggests that I could have been subject to sexism and racism, and well, maybe I have, but for the most part, I am a strong individual, and it doesn't affect me much. As a principle, I treat everyone with respect, and I like to think that I earn my respect in the way I behave in general, and in how I react in a bad situation.

I do not believe in the highly romanticized version of a man saving me from my life. I quite like my life - warts and all. I wouldn't say that it has been ideal, and in no way has it been easy, but it has been a good life, in which - a) I am living, not just existing, b) I have been progressing and growing for most of it, c) I have amazing, supportive parents, who had a little trouble figuring out parenthood at first, but are now totally nailing this parenting thing, and d) I have an amazing, eclectic, highly diverse bunch of friends, from over 23 nationalities. To me, at present, life can be a bit better, since I'm in transition, and an ambitious person looking for a job; but it doesn't mean that I am dissatisfied with my life in general. I love the life I've had - it's what got me to where I am now.

So, no - not looking for a guy to save me from my life.

I don't necessarily need a man to pay for my living. I've been well educated - I don't have a job yet, but I am convinced that I will find one eventually; so I am pretty sure that even if I may not necessarily have a palatial home and a personal stylist to dress me everyday, I will be content with my earnings as long as it supports my life and lets me indulge in a few things I find nice from time to time. I'm not particularly big on wanting overly expensive, overpriced things. I love to travel and I love new experiences. I also do have a bucket list.

Thinking along these lines, the average woman may not necessarily need a man for the things women used to think they needed men for. We are social animals, though, and what all of us crave (men and women) is companionship. We like a little romance in our lives, we have the need to belong, and that is probably why people keep having children. Who would willingly sign up for the truckload of work that is attached to having children if it didn't mean more than just what it is? Having children would mean that you lose your freedom, sleep and privacy, among other things. Since I don't particularly feel clucky at the moment, I'd say that I'd much rather prefer a good day's work and a full night's rest, thanks, but wouldn't everyone want that?

Feminists spent years and years striving for gender equality, and now, somehow, are still dissatisfied, and want superiority.

"To be happy, we must admit that men and women are not equal".

(Lol - to anyone who is now contemplating murder: please, hold your horses, and read on.)

What I believe in, is that we are differently wired, based on research findings by Verma et al., University of Pennsylvania in 2013. People believed that women were more capable of multitasking than men because they had a larger corpus callosum. However, according to this research, they say that size is of no consequence, as a man does have a larger brain compared to women, and a larger copus callosum because of obvious differences in skull size. What is different, is that men have stronger anterior-posterior connections whereas women have stronger lateral connections.

Therefore, my belief is that we are built differently, and have different inherent strengths and weaknesses. In any effective team, all the team members will be playing to their strengths. If they didn't, there would be discord within the team, and it would not be functioning as a unit; and a team that is not working together is bound to fail at every turn. A marriage is almost entirely about teamwork. If it is to be any good, both individuals cannot and should not fight for leadership, and it cannot be unbalanced. If it is unbalanced, the person picking up the slack ends up being resentful and frustrated. If it is a constant power struggle, there will be no peace.

Harmonious living, therefore, is about identifying things that we each are good at, being willing to appreciate one another for these things, and in general, being positive, enthusiastic and uplifting. I don't mean to say that they need to put on an act, but just being honest and transparent with each other about various things would prevent a build up of resentment. Being reasonable overall and willing to put aside ego would help smooth things out.

Not to generalize, but for most women, nurturing and caring comes easy, and for a lot of men, protecting and providing seems to come naturally. What I mean to say, is that putting stereotypes aside, if a woman feels blissful being a mother, and a man feels validated and happy when he is able to provide for his family, then, gender roles must exist for a reason. Maybe not all men and women are like that, but a general assumption would say that this is true of several individuals. I wouldn't say that this would mean that a woman's domain is the kitchen, and she should stay in it, and men should stay out, but I think, by default, most women play an important role in a family as mothers.

Even chauvinistic men have to agree that they owe a lot of their success to their mothers, and even the most ardent feminists will have to agree that they were once daddy's little girls. Or maybe they weren't - I can't speak for everyone, but we all agree that parents play a very important role in the family. 

Based on how non-harmonious the parents' relationship is, there's a confusion when daddy doesn't do things a daddy would do, and mum doesn't do what a mum usually would do. Years of defining these roles took it to an extreme when chauvinism was at its heights, and now, the pendulum swings in the opposite direction.

In saying that, I don't mean to say that men, if your wife is sick, and cannot care for the child, that you would be justified in saying that caring for the child is "not in your job description". Just as you would cover for each other in a team, occasionally picking up slack is excellent for team morale, as it is a genuine show of support. In a marriage, it is more pronounced than in anything else, but it comes as a package - you do, after all, vow to love and support each other 'in sickness and in health'.

I think that a man leads in a relationship/marriage, and is happiest when he does, but a man who is successful in said marriage, is someone who will respect his wife and her input in the decisions they make to build a life together. Leadership is not about seizing control and ruling with an iron fist - it's about being able to encourage all the members of the team (the family) to be the best they can be - and this will motivate them to be their best, out of loyalty to you.

Fear and pain can be good motivators, but loyalty is the greatest of them all, because it can only be earned, and never forced or bought.

On attraction and relationships..

Before I start, this post is entirely based on my personal observations of myself and the people I am surrounded by. I promise to try to keep it as objective as I can, and not be too gushy. :) I am not a psychologist, and don't really have an insight into people's minds, but as a blogger, I think I am allowed to have a keen eye for the things I write about, just so that I can express my thoughts more fully.

I have observed that different people experience attraction differently, although, there tends to be an observable pattern in some types of attraction. Growing up, all of us may have experienced the different types, and there's no shame in admitting it. It is this that I thought I'd interest you with - if you like reading about this sort of thing, that is.

Infatuation

Probably the first type of attraction most of us experience, usually towards someone we perceive as wonderful in every aspect, just because some very small part of their personality, or most often, good looks, impresses us. I think we all have had a crush on the best looking boy/girl in class, or some Disney character or someone we "fan girl"over.

Countless hours of daydreaming and building castles in the air go by until one day, you meet this person and see that all those daydreams were in fact, baseless, and no, this person wasn't perfect, and, no, this person did not adore you.

Most of the time, this ends badly, as you realize that this person is...er...well, not so perfect.

Lust

Let's all collectively take a deep breath and admit that we've all been there, at least once in our lives. We're all human, and no - we're not immune to Hugh Jackman's rugged good looks.

In the interest of remaining candid, I haven't hidden this phase, or tucked it in at the end, as an afterthought, especially, because, this makes most of our adolescent/young adult lives, stretching well into our adult lives as well.

This also, is a short-lived attraction, because it's superficial, and guys and girls alike, end up dating people they possibly would never want to be reminded of, just based on 'that sweet rack' or 'that chiseled jaw' or something like that.

One night stands, friends with benefits, office romances, extra-marital affairs, yada, yada, yada. You wouldn't want to keep a list of these things, or even remember it on a good day - unless you're Barney Stinson, that is.

I think, as adults, we learn to manage these feelings, or maybe channel them. We understand the effects of harbouring lustful thoughts and we just know not to allow our minds to wander into the 'lustapalooza' waiting to happen when we meet someone who may be our 'type'.

I think any self-respecting adult would at least try not to let themselves stray into lustapalooza just because of all the unrequited feelings involved, not to mention, the perviness involved in picturing a random coworker in a bow-chika-wow-wow situation. I don't think it's possible to keep the perviness locked away for too long - let yourself indulge in them too often, and the next thing you know, you'll be up to your eyeballs in restraining orders - if you're lucky.

Also, as with most vices, your needs/wants escalate with an increased level of indulgence.

Attraction at an Event/Cause/Activity

Maybe weird, but I have often seen people connect for a short period of time because they share just one thing in common. Summer romances, for instance, or when we go to camps and other events where we meet people. Me personally, I don't get it, but I have seen this happen several times, and while they are in that situation, these couples do seem very happy.  Probably raging hormones, and people being in the presence of people they know they will never meet again, probably gives them the freedom to experiment with their flirtations, because they feel like there may be no consequences - at the end of the month/week, they say bye and go their separate ways, just with a story of the summer romance that will be the topic of conversation for months, maybe even years after.

This seems to happen more commonly among tweens and young adults; but it also does happen with some adults. Hence the term 'extra-marital affair'.

A Frelationship

This is also a very common occurrence, and could have happened to nearly everyone. This happens when you have a friend of the opposite sex. There are some friends you feel fortunate to have met, because, as friends, you make a wonderful team. It's easy, comforting, and their presence often feels like a warm embrace, and in your mind, you look at them, and for a moment, think - "what's not to like?"
When you first think it, you feel like kicking yourself for thinking that, but then the idea sticks, and grows on you, feeling less scandalous by the minute. Then more time passes when you try to understand what this other person would think if you voiced your thoughts. What was once easy becomes complicated. When you finally muster up the courage to tell this other person what's on your mind, that person doesn't feel it. Or even worse - they do.

If you're old enough to be aware of where this is heading, or if, by the luck of the draw, things work out, the relationship has a chance of taking off and being a wonderful relationship. If not, it is worse when they reciprocate your feelings because the relationship will crash and burn when it runs into trouble, and you not only lose your relationship, but also a trusted friend.

What also seems to happen is when the sentiment is not voiced, but they are in what I call a "frelationship", where they fool no one but themselves in saying that they are "just friends".

Intellectual Compatibility

Not sure what you think, but this is most certainly me. I have experienced the other kinds of attraction, but what truly makes me go weak in the knees is intelligence and a certain maturity and thoughtfulness that comes with being introspective, perceptive and sensible. I like a person who is deep and able to remain in the world, but not of it. A person who knows himself well enough to be able to be his own person. This kind of a person will not just possess academic intelligence, but an emotional intelligence they are often not really aware of.

I think, in an ideal world, we would all meet people who are at an equal wavelength to us, and, this fosters an ability to relate, leading to trust, respect, loyalty and a strong friendship, and maybe it's because this is what I relate to the most, I think it's reliable and the best kind of attraction.

My reason for making that statement - this is not a shallow or short-lived connection. You know each other on intellectual, emotional, spiritual and psychological levels. This often leads to being relaxed around each other, knowing that there is no need to put on an act to keep the other interested in you. It often lasts because you understand your partner on various levels, and are aware of, or will be aware of their flaws and then, if you think you can love the person, you will stay together, if not, you will tend to move on. Although the process of 'falling in love' seems to be an unconscious process, knowing a person well enough to know if you should be in a relationship or just be friends appears to be a great way to decide on what must be done with the feelings you have for each other. Of course you don't flip a switch, but deciding earlier on would save you the hurt you would feel if you amble into a relationship you don't understand. Oddly, I recall Jon Snow when I say this. He really did know nothing.

If you stay in each others' lives, chances are, you will have an excellent channel of communication and a deeper understanding of each other, leading to a fulfilling relationship, possibly leading to much stronger marital bonds, when it does end in marriage.

Love - dare I say it?

I just did. After all, it is what vexes most people, right?

In one way or the other, we all experience love. When you do fall in love, you know that it is going to involve overwhelming joy, but not everyone realizes that this also means that you can experience strong, negative emotions like jealousy, pain, anger, disappointment and resentment at an almost equal level.

When I say this, I don't mean that the negative emotions only happen once the relationship has ended. Maintaining a relationship is hard work - even more so than the work that goes into flirtation, and in wooing each other. It is after all, the singular dream of two individuals, trying to keep being individuals while remaining a couple. More than most other things in the world, relationships/marriages are a careful, balancing act. Both partners need to feel respected, cherished, loved and supported. Both partners need to know that their needs (physical, emotional, spiritual) are being met. This balance is what leads to contentment. Get it wrong, and there will be hell to pay.

In my opinion, it is both, unfair and unrealistic to expect your partner to change completely, to suit your needs, although, by being in a relationship, you do tend to influence each other, and there will be some form of change. I suppose the idea is not to expect it, but to continue communicating, and keep an open mind to accept the changes that do happen. Of course I do not mean that abuse of any kind should be tolerated, but a marriage and/or a relationship most definitely will involve some form of compromise, and fighting it is not going to make it any easier.

Compromise should be more of an informed decision, than a stab in the dark. When you are with a person with whom there is an open channel of communication, compromises become easy, and a positive experience, especially when you are aware that the other person is also compromising for you. However, when there is no communication, there is a lot of strain, and the less aggressive partner gives in, until they cannot compromise anymore. The less aggressive partner loses his/her individuality, is resentful and tends to feel trapped, lost and powerless. A powerless person becomes difficult to live with, and this situation, in itself, will lead to a further strain on the already fraying threads that connect the two partners.

The way I see it, unless there is a history of some sort (troubled childhood/some form of trauma), oftentimes, a troubled partner is often troubled because of something the other partner did or didn't do. There is always a gap that goes unnoticed. In the previous example, the powerless partner may have been happy and healthy if there had been good communication between him/her and his/her spouse. Negligence of any kind may seem easy at the time, but it will come back to bite you if you do it for long enough, and often enough, because it is a situation that needs your attention. Ignore it, and it will get worse, because it will build up and morph into an ugly beast of a problem. On the other hand, if you give your partner the time and effort, you will usually find that there will be an efficient system in place to deal with any problems that may arise, as they come.

Love is fulfilling and joyous, if both partners are willing to function as a team, and respect the needs of the other while being aware and genuinely appreciative of each others' efforts. I don't think there is any such thing as 'a perfect love' between humans, as all of us have our flaws. On a very human level, we need to be aware of this, and be willing to meet each other halfway, because, the other person is also a person with needs, like us, and each of us have our idiosyncrasies that the other partner is tolerating/embracing (hopefully). As simple as it seems, I think most people forget this and are quick to criticize.

As far as attraction goes, it is a beautiful dance of verbal and non-verbal cues, the ebb and flow of emotion, as it is predominantly an emotional process.. Everyone has experienced some forms of attraction in their lives - some more than others, but there is the deep need for human connection in our lives, and we all have it. As a person who has been fortunate to travel, and meet a large number of people, understanding and acknowledging the various types/stages of attraction gives me the perspective to understand my feelings for the random person that actually does catch my eye. Nine hundred and ninety nine times out of a thousand, the feelings are benign, and hold no real significance, but occasionally, all the other 999 people I had tiny crushes on seem to pale in comparison to the thousandth person I meet.

Getting Into The "Spirit" Of Halloween

His voice had never sounded so cold. Catherine felt winded and just shattered. Her father was telling her exactly what she had feared he’d be feeling, but she never imagined that he’d say the words he was now saying, and never in the way he was saying it. She had only known his warm, kind, gentle voice, and she had always felt safe with him.

Her parents had been separated a few years ago, and Catherine had feared that she had somehow caused it. Both parents had been very loving to her, in spite of their divorce, and she had always spent her weekends at her father’s, where they played video games, watched movies on his swanky fifty-five inch TV and he had always made her a big, scrumptious Sunday breakfast. Her father’s cold, distant voice was now explaining how much of a burden she had been for both her parents, and that he could not go on living with a daughter like that. She could not stop the tears that stung her eyes, as she felt the crushing weight of emotion in her chest. In the past twenty four hours, her every nightmare was coming to pass.

***

“Wait up, Katie! Will - ” He was out of breath, and when he spoke, it was wrought with emotion.  “I failed my LSAT exams!!” he said, sweating profusely, and looking first at Catherine, then at Willow, their other best friend. They looked at him, worried, as Willow was just comforting Catherine after she had heard her father remorselessly cut her off from his life, and she had dropped her lunch all over herself in front of everyone in the cafeteria, and had been laughed at, by everyone in the room.  Around them, they saw it happening to everyone who had been with them that fateful evening.

Joshua had hoped to get into Harvard Law School that fall, once they had graduated from high school, and had studied for almost a year before he finally agreed to sit the Law School Admission Test that year. Since he had always been an over-achiever, his school had agreed to give him a scholarship to cover his tuition and living expenses if he got sufficiently high scores on the LSAT. As one of five children to parents who did the Lord’s work, he could not expect his parents to fund his education out of the income given to a Pastor and his wife.

***

“Everyone’s nightmares are coming true!” said Faye, at a rushed meeting they had called that evening. Everyone who had broken into the haunted building on Wimbourne Avenue on Halloween night was called. Not everyone had been affected just as yet, but they all knew that it was only a matter of time, and all ten worried about the effects of it, and what could happen next. Faye was delicate and bird-like, and had just lost one of her pets, a handsome greyhound, to a horrific car crash. Billy, a usually well behaved dog, had wandered out into the street, and been run over by a large hatchback, just before she could get to him. She had had him since he was a puppy, and was beside herself with grief over his horrific end.  

Willow was worried too, as she had suddenly lost the ability to read, even though she was fluent in three languages on a normal day. Four more people had had their worst nightmares materialize – Kevin had found himself naked in front of the class, and in spite of all her preparation, Allison had forgotten all the words to her speech that morning, and had not been allowed to give it again on another day.  Angela and Marie had found themselves on stage, announced as the finest sopranos in the town. As the entire audience was expecting them to sing, they opened their mouths and nothing came out. To make it worse, the crowd turned into an angry mob, and heckled them off the stage. Needless to say, Wendall and Joel were very worried about what might come to them.

There was a grave silence for a few moments until Allison cleared her throat, and spoke. “We need to go over what we did that night, so that we can maybe, try to think of something to do to make these things stop.”  Everyone gravely nodded in agreement. Then Willow looked around and decided to start. “We were at the Halloween party at the Williamses, when we thought that it would be fun to break in to the abandoned asylum over at Wimbourne Avenue, just to see what the big deal is, and since there were ten of us, we all felt much braver than we otherwise would have.” Her voice broke off, and Joel, who was sitting next to her, put a comforting arm around her shoulder, shivering a little himself.

“Ignoring all the boards warning us to not trespass, we broke in, and found the dilapidated asylum to be eerily quiet, save for the groans and moans of a building that old. We walked into the various rooms, wondering aloud what the stains on the walls could be – could it be dried blood? Food, flung in frenzy…or could it be excrement?” Joel mused. What secrets would a building that housed the insane of an era long gone have hidden? They all knew that that was the real reason all of them were there. All they had been told over the years of living in Moorington was that the place was unsafe, and that they were not to go there. The stories of the building being haunted were rumours, kept hush-hush, as the building had been for sale for several years, but remained unsold.

There were so many variations of the rumoured stories, but there was one that seemed to be agreed upon. The older folks said that the building had been deserted after one of the more violent patients, who was to be transferred to a facility for the criminally insane, had gone on a rampage, killing several nurses, the resident psychiatrist and several more staff and patients before the police had finally been able to subdue him. In the struggle, the police had accidentally nicked his jugular, and in the dark, and in his aggression, they had not realized it until he had collapsed. In spite of the valiant efforts of the paramedics to keep him alive, he was dead on the way to the hospital.

They had cleaned up the building and resumed normal working hours within a month, but the horrors of the death of their co-workers had been too great for the remaining staff to continue working there, and they all left, one by one. Even then, a few more mysterious deaths had occurred, and the staff and neighbours had strongly suspected spectral activity in and around the building. With staff numbers dwindling, the patients had also been transferred to other facilities in batches.

Eventually, the government order had arrived, stating that the facility needs to be closed, as the cost of operations was too great for the handful of patients that remained. The building had then been mildly renovated, and put on the market, but decades had passed, and it remained unoccupied.

“Then we heard the creaking door. It was an awful noise. Some of us wanted to run back home, but Wendall and Josh wanted to run towards the sound, to check it out. Against our better judgement, we went with them because we didn’t want to leave them behind. We started hearing various sounds in the building now – sounds that we may have not been aware of before, but now that we were afraid, we were aware of every sound around us. The wind was also whistling around us, and it had become colder all of a sudden.” Catherine said, in a hollow voice.

“It took us a while to find it, but we eventually found him in what was once the kitchen. It was the guy in our class, the quiet, nerdy guy who was not quite the overachiever, not athletic, not the kind who would easily get noticed – what was his name? Mousy?” Josh said, looking around. “No, you twit!” Marie said. “His name is Matt. Matthew Forrest. Anyway, we were shocked to find him sprawled on the ground. Wendall and Josh carefully turned him so that we could see if he was hurt.” Her breath caught, but she continued. “His face was bloody, and he was unconscious, but he had a heartbeat, and was breathing, so we called 911. It has been five months since the incident, but he’s still in a coma.”

Angela, who had been quiet all this time, spoke up. “All of us knew we were going to be in trouble, but who knew that this could happen? This is far worse that the suspension we had last year. Maybe some of us have not had it as bad as the others, but who knows what can happen next? I have been trying to remember all the nightmares I have ever had, all morning, praying that they aren’t too horrific.” She said this, unconsciously glancing at Faye.    

It was then that they heard the little titter, and they all looked at each other. They all knew they would have missed it if the room had not been that quiet. There was a long silence when no one dared to speak. “I have a theory,” said Kevin. “I think it’s Matt. What do you guys know of astral projections?” Then, Kevin explained to a quiet, attentive room of astral projections, and how he had thought he had seen Matt a few times, when bad things had happened, and he had dismissed it as his imagination until just then when they had heard the titter. “What if this is him? What if he’s angry that he was invisible, easy to miss, and we did nothing?” Just then, everything happened at once. A sharp wind blew through the room, dropping a few things and the door slammed shut, and all of them scrambled to a corner.

Sure enough, in the other corner, an astral form materialized. It was Matt. In spite of their fear, the next hour was spent with them talking to Matt, and him saying exactly how much he had hoped to be included in various things, but that he’d be passed over, time and again, for someone more popular, good looking or just someone who was not as shy as he was. Even on Halloween night, he had followed them, too shy to ask them if he could join them. Wanting to remain unseen, he had bolted when they had almost come upon him, and had accidentally tripped, and hit his head on a jagged rock. He had awoken a few days ago, standing beside his bed, watching the tubes enter and leave his comatose body.

Marie was very sympathetic, and walked up to him, sitting on the floor next to where Matt was, and speaking in a soothing tone, calming him, and assuring him of the fact that he had a friend in each of them. She looked around the room. Not everyone was as sympathetic as she was, but they all wanted this madness to stop, so even those who were not inclined to accepting Matt smiled and nodded. There was almost an instant change in the atmosphere in the room.

***

To their relief, they awoke to a beautiful morning, and things had gone back to normal. They visited Matt in hospital that day, all ten of them.  It was not until the next fall that Matt awoke from his coma, but his new friends visited him each weekend, and read to him and spoke to him and kept him company, much to his parents’ surprise. When he awoke, almost a year since Halloween, Matt was warmly welcomed by his parents and his new friends, Kevin, Allison, Marie and Josh. 

‘His strength was also his weakness’

It was a dull September evening in Wintervale, and the residence of Det. Ret. Johnson Compton was quiet, almost too quiet, he thought, for just a year ago, he had been given a handsome farewell dinner by the Wintervale Police Department. After that, he had had a few friends over every now and then, until last Christmas, when he had heard that he had lost his only son, who was on his first tour in Afghanistan. People had begun carefully avoiding him since then, as he had taken to drinking in the evenings, and had become a mess, given his state of bereavement and retirement.

He had survived two conscriptions, a full life of public service, a messy divorce, the loss of his only son to war, but retirement was not something he had planned for. Work had put everything into perspective – it had given him purpose, gumption, and just the will to go on, but retirement had hit him hard. Oh how the mighty had fallen, he thought, for retirement is something he had never given much thought to, but the day had come when he had been politely asked to leave.

He had taken a fascination to twirling his gun, his Beretta M9 standard issue pistol, each night, not really thinking of suicide, but not that he hadn’t considered it either. It was a thought that had crossed his mind a few times, but it had not stayed with him long enough for him to go through with it. He also read and reread the harsh, incriminating letter his ex-wife had written to him, a few months prior, blaming him for letting their son get conscripted.

His diligence at work had left him without a life outside, and he was bitter, at least 30 pounds overweight, addicted to alcohol and lonely. As he was reminiscing about the numerous criminals he had put behind bars, he was reminded of a certain someone he had met, only for the duration of a particularly twisted case, but he believed that that person had completely changed the way he had thought about all things mystical. This person was an expert in such things, and, well, the killer was no ordinary killer.

The killer had been a sociopath with suspected cannibalistic tendencies, and had been the one that got away for several years, until he met Monsieur Jean Claude LaValle. The corpses had been found in a large yard, not far from the killer’s property, carefully semi-buried, and semi preserved under a mat of fake grass, and used as a nutrient source for several strange exotic plants. However, upon exhuming and performing autopsies on each corpse, it was found that they had been missing organs and bones – different ones each time. Belonging to an affluent family and being a renowned professor of art history in his own right, the killer had access to the best criminal lawyers money can buy, and had also won the jury over with his charm, good looks and innocuous façade. 

Although Compton instinctually knew that this was the killer, there had always been cause for reasonable doubt, and this had both, frustrated and infuriated him. He had spent several coffee fuelled, sleepless nights poring over all of the evidence, forensic reports, the videos and transcripts of the trials, trying to find a chink in the killer’s armour, but to no avail – the bastard had thought of everything.

Fifteen years since the first trial, while the case file had still not been closed, LaValle had walked into PD, speaking of the involvement of voodoo in the killer’s modus operandus. He said that he saw a pattern, and that he suspected that the killer’s victims were carefully chosen to perform the rites and rituals to conjure evil spirits. At first, Compton had utterly dismissed the strange man’s allegations, but several sleepless nights later, he eventually decided to call him back, and to hear him out. The more LaValle explained, the more he saw that LaValle’s knowledge provided much needed context to the evidence. He finally knew where to look, how to look at the evidence, and he asked LaValle be a consultant on the case. In his forty years of service, this was the first time he had enlisted the help of someone outside of law enforcement to help him solve a case.

He had finally come upon volumes of journals the killer had kept, hidden in an underground vault, not far from the first burial site, where they had suspected him to have stored the other implements used in the voodoo rituals. They found what they were looking for, but they did not expect to find the journals, detailing his turbulent childhood, his initial, animal kills, and then his introduction to a voodoo club. He mentioned that the club was filled with pretenders, and that he wanted the real thing. Thus began his murderous pursuits, and he had practiced killing – stealthily at first, but later, emboldened by his ability to walk free, he began to roam free, killing more and more people for more darker rituals. Upon this discovery, the case was a slam dunk. The killer’s attention to detail had been his own undoing – both, his strength, and his weakness.

The Det. Ret. felt a rush, even just thinking about the day he had heard that the Professor’s death sentence had been fulfilled, just a week after he had been given a medal of honour by the Mayor for putting the Professor behind bars. Was life worth living now, that he had no such service to do, no one to protect, nothing to look forward to?

He remembered the advice he had given his friend, Jake, about an entirely different matter. He had told him to stop thinking, and to just get on with it, because we’re all not getting any younger. Everyone had laughed. Then, in a rush of emotion, he picked up his Beretta and shot himself in the temple. Then it all went black.

Of job hunts and other transitions..

So I've hit yet another stage of life. Whatever I have been through in all my years of living as a student in various places, no other time has felt as daunting or as worrying as this.

I have always had plans as to what I was going to do next. Now, in saying this, I must also say that, in spite of all my planning, none of the plans I made materialized. In my life, reality has always eventually surpassed my dreams. This is why my faith in God has always remained unshaken.

My life has not been easy - I have experienced so many different kinds of hardships on my road alone from the time I was 15, and in high school in a different place to what I was previously unaccustomed, far away from my parents. When I was younger, we as a family, moved twice, for my dad's work, and then, I alone, have moved at least 8 times more for educational purposes (since I was 15).

I have been through bullying, harrasment, unsafe situations, an overwhelming work load, some failures, heart ache, fallings out, betrayal, heartbreak, the challenges of living alone, and fitting in, 8 times over, in various groups. I have had family problems and felt so alone in the world, and to top it all off, I have also had money difficulties in the past few months and the hopelessness that comes with a fruitless job search that is usually done for a first job.

Transitions in my life have always been excruciating, in one way or the other, occasionally presenting even the most unlikely situations to me. Not that other people don't have problems, and I'm not trying to say that I have bigger problems, just that my problems usually have weird complications. All that said, God has always been faithful and incredibly benevolent to me in the end, as reality has always surpassed my wildest dreams. It's how I have always felt humbled, knowing that I have a higher purpose in life than my own selfish ambitions, and that God is truly wondrous and mysterious in his ways.

I press on in my life, enduring all that comes my way to get to this higher purpose.

Whenever I feel dejected and poor of spirit, I look to the journey I have made thus far, and take courage and hope from the fact that all is not lost. It has never been. I have survived more than I can discuss on a public forum.

There have always been times when my future seems to look bleak, and somehow, irreparable, but it has always bounced back and each time, been even better than normal. My life has been like a crashing flight that miraculously takes flight from time to time, transforming into a bigger, better flight each time, and soaring higher and higher than I ever dreamed possible, only to be affected by turbulence, or worse, and then, pick up again - all by the grace of God, I'm sure.

So it is in this assurance that I plod on, through my days of trawling through job sites and making applications and phone calls, typing out resumés and cover letters and sitting with an eye on my phone, waiting for a call or an email giving me good news; but being faced with a million 'no's, in the form of well worded emails or polite phone conversations, when I phone in to follow up, that disappoint me. In spite of me relentlessly pursuing job leads and  bolstering my own confidence saying that I will eventually have a job, dejection sets in from time to time, and it takes me a while to get back on my feet and go out there again and again.

People

You see a whole new side to people when you job hunt, as it is when you are faced with other challenges.  Some people genuinely care, some people couldn't be bothered, and yet others rub your nose in the fact that they have jobs and you don't.

Then there's the fourth kind. People who secretly judge you, but are overflowing with fruitless, outdated advice for you, and the only thing you will get from listening to these people is more dejection, and if you are stupid enough to take their advice, you end up regretting it altogether.

It is a difficult time for anyone in that situation, and the best companion one can have in such situations is themselves - to be at peace with yourself, and to be yourown friend saves you a world of hurt, as most people cannot understand exactly what you feel, and most people don't know how to be around a person going through this phase of life.

That said, I have also had the opportunity to meet the kindest, most nicest people, making me wonder at the stark differences between people. I guess it is why we have the greatest gift of all -  we get to choose our friends/associates.

The Internet

I thank God every single day for we are the generation who have the most powerful tool in history - THE INTERNET. We no longer have to solely depend on the people around us to help us. We get to contact people all the way across the world, we get to network and contact a friend of a distant cousin's colleague's husband about a potential job. All we need is the perseverance to keep trying every means possible, and our trusty friend, the Internet will never disappoint.
 
I honestly don't know what I would be doing without it. I was taught in school (in the late 1990s) of the fact that the Internet had then inspired this new phrase "the world has now become a global village". I was also recently reminded by Buzzfeed, that we are living in the future our predecessors dreamt of, and made movies about.

Well, who knew, even as late as the 80s, that one day, people could write their thoughts and feelings in a blog, on their phones, no less, that can be published online and accessed by the whole world? Definitely not the average man.

I regularly send copies of my resumé to the people I get in touch with about job openings...from my phone. I don't think this was as easy as it is today even as recent as decade ago, maybe not even 5 years ago.

We do so much these days and take so much for granted that people, even a generation ago would have thought unimaginable.

Anyway, back from my massive tangent - job searches suck. They make you worry, and feel hopeless, but then, we live in a world where everything is possible. High school drop outs become the most talked about Scientists and Entrepreneurs, and we have the world in our hands - quite literally, as we have smartphones that do more and more each year.

Of all my travels, my most recent journey, a flight journey of  8694.8 Km/4691.7 Nautical Miles (4+8h of flight time and a lay over of 7h in between), across 3 time zones; showed me how common flight travels are now. It's like getting on a bus. I travelled on a budget airline this time, and it was chock full of people who were quite literally from all walks of life. It was interesting, although exhausting because the aircraft seemed too cramped, because it held far more seats than an airline like Singapore Airlines would allow for a flight that size and that for a journey that long. I also feel a little embarassed complaining about the comfort of a flying conveyance that makes a journey that long seem easy, when only a few centuries ago, people travelled on foot and on cattle boats.

I was still astounded by how we, as humans never cease to progress, and the growth is so rapid now, picking up even more speed every minute, that all of us now have yet another skill that our grandparents didn't have - the skill to keep up with all the changes that are taking place around us.

Sometimes I wonder if the world as we know it has hit puberty, and if things will once again plateau and settle for a few centuries before aging starts, and things begin to slow down again. As, in my little experience so far, everything has always been a cycle - one day we triumph, and another, we fall. We mourn, regain our strength and come back. Fashions creep in, peak, go out, and come back. This is basically what happens in the stock market too. The world as we know it depends on this reliable cycle. Does the world follow the same pattern?

Or is it going to keep getting faster and faster, until one day, we cease to exist as humans, but begin to live as high functioning machines/entities programmed to perform a set of functions, devoid of thought or feeling, year after year, not aging, not dying, just working? It's beyond my human ability to comprehend the way the world works - I feel like a baby ant in a vast expanse of farmland, not fully knowing how big it is, not understanding much of it beyond the next, say 50 yards at most.

Our Great-grandparents thought "village", our parents and grandparents thought "country", and we now think "world" probably our children would think "planets", if interstellar travels become possible one day.

Anyway. My point is, and always has been  that hope is never lost. Take heart, as I say this to myself as much as I say this to the reader, that, as Scarlet O'Hara so frequently said, "Tomorrow is yet another day". I have always aspired to have as strong and undefeated a spirit, as hers, and I am closer to it than I was 10 years ago.

With that, I close, as Joey Graceffa does, saying : "May the odds forever be in your favor!". :)