This post will be slightly disjointed, as it contains my opinions and beliefs about gender roles in tandem than me trying to tell a story.
In the past few decades, there is a less and less need for feminist movements, especially in the first world. The typical urban woman is empowered enough to not actually need a man in her life, an yet, there is still a significant number of women (almost all) who - even secretly - want a man who would cherish and take care of her.
I wouldn't call myself a feminist, not when it is now all about people who take offence for the slightest thing. Our generation is obsessed with everything being politically correct - it's exhausting. I'm not advocating racism or sexism or any kind of discrimination. I'm just against people who are overly sensitive. Me, being non-Caucasian and a woman suggests that I could have been subject to sexism and racism, and well, maybe I have, but for the most part, I am a strong individual, and it doesn't affect me much. As a principle, I treat everyone with respect, and I like to think that I earn my respect in the way I behave in general, and in how I react in a bad situation.
I do not believe in the highly romanticized version of a man saving me from my life. I quite like my life - warts and all. I wouldn't say that it has been ideal, and in no way has it been easy, but it has been a good life, in which - a) I am living, not just existing, b) I have been progressing and growing for most of it, c) I have amazing, supportive parents, who had a little trouble figuring out parenthood at first, but are now totally nailing this parenting thing, and d) I have an amazing, eclectic, highly diverse bunch of friends, from over 23 nationalities. To me, at present, life can be a bit better, since I'm in transition, and an ambitious person looking for a job; but it doesn't mean that I am dissatisfied with my life in general. I love the life I've had - it's what got me to where I am now.
So, no - not looking for a guy to save me from my life.
I don't necessarily need a man to pay for my living. I've been well educated - I don't have a job yet, but I am convinced that I will find one eventually; so I am pretty sure that even if I may not necessarily have a palatial home and a personal stylist to dress me everyday, I will be content with my earnings as long as it supports my life and lets me indulge in a few things I find nice from time to time. I'm not particularly big on wanting overly expensive, overpriced things. I love to travel and I love new experiences. I also do have a bucket list.
Thinking along these lines, the average woman may not necessarily need a man for the things women used to think they needed men for. We are social animals, though, and what all of us crave (men and women) is companionship. We like a little romance in our lives, we have the need to belong, and that is probably why people keep having children. Who would willingly sign up for the truckload of work that is attached to having children if it didn't mean more than just what it is? Having children would mean that you lose your freedom, sleep and privacy, among other things. Since I don't particularly feel clucky at the moment, I'd say that I'd much rather prefer a good day's work and a full night's rest, thanks, but wouldn't everyone want that?
Feminists spent years and years striving for gender equality, and now, somehow, are still dissatisfied, and want superiority.
"To be happy, we must admit that men and women are not equal".
(Lol - to anyone who is now contemplating murder: please, hold your horses, and read on.)
What I believe in, is that we are differently wired, based on research findings by Verma et al., University of Pennsylvania in 2013. People believed that women were more capable of multitasking than men because they had a larger corpus callosum. However, according to this research, they say that size is of no consequence, as a man does have a larger brain compared to women, and a larger copus callosum because of obvious differences in skull size. What is different, is that men have stronger anterior-posterior connections whereas women have stronger lateral connections.
Therefore, my belief is that we are built differently, and have different inherent strengths and weaknesses. In any effective team, all the team members will be playing to their strengths. If they didn't, there would be discord within the team, and it would not be functioning as a unit; and a team that is not working together is bound to fail at every turn. A marriage is almost entirely about teamwork. If it is to be any good, both individuals cannot and should not fight for leadership, and it cannot be unbalanced. If it is unbalanced, the person picking up the slack ends up being resentful and frustrated. If it is a constant power struggle, there will be no peace.
Harmonious living, therefore, is about identifying things that we each are good at, being willing to appreciate one another for these things, and in general, being positive, enthusiastic and uplifting. I don't mean to say that they need to put on an act, but just being honest and transparent with each other about various things would prevent a build up of resentment. Being reasonable overall and willing to put aside ego would help smooth things out.
Not to generalize, but for most women, nurturing and caring comes easy, and for a lot of men, protecting and providing seems to come naturally. What I mean to say, is that putting stereotypes aside, if a woman feels blissful being a mother, and a man feels validated and happy when he is able to provide for his family, then, gender roles must exist for a reason. Maybe not all men and women are like that, but a general assumption would say that this is true of several individuals. I wouldn't say that this would mean that a woman's domain is the kitchen, and she should stay in it, and men should stay out, but I think, by default, most women play an important role in a family as mothers.
Even chauvinistic men have to agree that they owe a lot of their success to their mothers, and even the most ardent feminists will have to agree that they were once daddy's little girls. Or maybe they weren't - I can't speak for everyone, but we all agree that parents play a very important role in the family.
I wouldn't call myself a feminist, not when it is now all about people who take offence for the slightest thing. Our generation is obsessed with everything being politically correct - it's exhausting. I'm not advocating racism or sexism or any kind of discrimination. I'm just against people who are overly sensitive. Me, being non-Caucasian and a woman suggests that I could have been subject to sexism and racism, and well, maybe I have, but for the most part, I am a strong individual, and it doesn't affect me much. As a principle, I treat everyone with respect, and I like to think that I earn my respect in the way I behave in general, and in how I react in a bad situation.
I do not believe in the highly romanticized version of a man saving me from my life. I quite like my life - warts and all. I wouldn't say that it has been ideal, and in no way has it been easy, but it has been a good life, in which - a) I am living, not just existing, b) I have been progressing and growing for most of it, c) I have amazing, supportive parents, who had a little trouble figuring out parenthood at first, but are now totally nailing this parenting thing, and d) I have an amazing, eclectic, highly diverse bunch of friends, from over 23 nationalities. To me, at present, life can be a bit better, since I'm in transition, and an ambitious person looking for a job; but it doesn't mean that I am dissatisfied with my life in general. I love the life I've had - it's what got me to where I am now.
So, no - not looking for a guy to save me from my life.
I don't necessarily need a man to pay for my living. I've been well educated - I don't have a job yet, but I am convinced that I will find one eventually; so I am pretty sure that even if I may not necessarily have a palatial home and a personal stylist to dress me everyday, I will be content with my earnings as long as it supports my life and lets me indulge in a few things I find nice from time to time. I'm not particularly big on wanting overly expensive, overpriced things. I love to travel and I love new experiences. I also do have a bucket list.
Thinking along these lines, the average woman may not necessarily need a man for the things women used to think they needed men for. We are social animals, though, and what all of us crave (men and women) is companionship. We like a little romance in our lives, we have the need to belong, and that is probably why people keep having children. Who would willingly sign up for the truckload of work that is attached to having children if it didn't mean more than just what it is? Having children would mean that you lose your freedom, sleep and privacy, among other things. Since I don't particularly feel clucky at the moment, I'd say that I'd much rather prefer a good day's work and a full night's rest, thanks, but wouldn't everyone want that?
Feminists spent years and years striving for gender equality, and now, somehow, are still dissatisfied, and want superiority.
"To be happy, we must admit that men and women are not equal".
(Lol - to anyone who is now contemplating murder: please, hold your horses, and read on.)
Therefore, my belief is that we are built differently, and have different inherent strengths and weaknesses. In any effective team, all the team members will be playing to their strengths. If they didn't, there would be discord within the team, and it would not be functioning as a unit; and a team that is not working together is bound to fail at every turn. A marriage is almost entirely about teamwork. If it is to be any good, both individuals cannot and should not fight for leadership, and it cannot be unbalanced. If it is unbalanced, the person picking up the slack ends up being resentful and frustrated. If it is a constant power struggle, there will be no peace.
Harmonious living, therefore, is about identifying things that we each are good at, being willing to appreciate one another for these things, and in general, being positive, enthusiastic and uplifting. I don't mean to say that they need to put on an act, but just being honest and transparent with each other about various things would prevent a build up of resentment. Being reasonable overall and willing to put aside ego would help smooth things out.
Not to generalize, but for most women, nurturing and caring comes easy, and for a lot of men, protecting and providing seems to come naturally. What I mean to say, is that putting stereotypes aside, if a woman feels blissful being a mother, and a man feels validated and happy when he is able to provide for his family, then, gender roles must exist for a reason. Maybe not all men and women are like that, but a general assumption would say that this is true of several individuals. I wouldn't say that this would mean that a woman's domain is the kitchen, and she should stay in it, and men should stay out, but I think, by default, most women play an important role in a family as mothers.
Even chauvinistic men have to agree that they owe a lot of their success to their mothers, and even the most ardent feminists will have to agree that they were once daddy's little girls. Or maybe they weren't - I can't speak for everyone, but we all agree that parents play a very important role in the family.
Based on how non-harmonious the parents' relationship is, there's a confusion when daddy doesn't do things a daddy would do, and mum doesn't do what a mum usually would do. Years of defining these roles took it to an extreme when chauvinism was at its heights, and now, the pendulum swings in the opposite direction.
In saying that, I don't mean to say that men, if your wife is sick, and cannot care for the child, that you would be justified in saying that caring for the child is "not in your job description". Just as you would cover for each other in a team, occasionally picking up slack is excellent for team morale, as it is a genuine show of support. In a marriage, it is more pronounced than in anything else, but it comes as a package - you do, after all, vow to love and support each other 'in sickness and in health'.
I think that a man leads in a relationship/marriage, and is happiest when he does, but a man who is successful in said marriage, is someone who will respect his wife and her input in the decisions they make to build a life together. Leadership is not about seizing control and ruling with an iron fist - it's about being able to encourage all the members of the team (the family) to be the best they can be - and this will motivate them to be their best, out of loyalty to you.
Fear and pain can be good motivators, but loyalty is the greatest of them all, because it can only be earned, and never forced or bought.
In saying that, I don't mean to say that men, if your wife is sick, and cannot care for the child, that you would be justified in saying that caring for the child is "not in your job description". Just as you would cover for each other in a team, occasionally picking up slack is excellent for team morale, as it is a genuine show of support. In a marriage, it is more pronounced than in anything else, but it comes as a package - you do, after all, vow to love and support each other 'in sickness and in health'.
I think that a man leads in a relationship/marriage, and is happiest when he does, but a man who is successful in said marriage, is someone who will respect his wife and her input in the decisions they make to build a life together. Leadership is not about seizing control and ruling with an iron fist - it's about being able to encourage all the members of the team (the family) to be the best they can be - and this will motivate them to be their best, out of loyalty to you.
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