What seems like a mindless occurrence in all these years, the whole practice of following tradition suddenly gains meaning when our turns are up. Everyone I know seems to be talking of weddings, either already done or coming up, so I thought I'd write a blog entry about it.
In Indian societies, women in their 20s have all the aunties and uncles in their society to answer to, if they are still single. People try to set them up with guys they know, or they talk for hours on the benefits of marriage, which I don't essentially disagree with - I'd just rather not hear the same speech being repeated a million times over.
Besides, all girls want to be married, but we also want out Prince Charming on his white horse. Other people reminding us of ticking biological clocks and waning youth doesn't necessarily help us speed anything up, because, as with all things in the universe, our weddings only happen when they are meant to. I choose to do my own thing until my Prince Charming shows up.
Jokes apart, there's much to be considered when we think of marriage - the responsibility of being a wife, a mother, cooking, cleaning, washing, picking up after other people - it all just comes with the lot, adding to the responsibility of being a woman.
The woman of the house never gets a holiday. In fact, when everyone does get a day off, she suddenly has a lot more to do. More people to pick up after, more party messes to clean and so much more cooking to do. If she even gets an hour to watch TV, she'd probably spend it in quiet meditation, snoozing a little, with her feet up on a cushion.
The question in the mind of every prospective bride-to-be is the same - will he be worth all the work and the sacrifices that come with the new role we take on?
It isn't just about the wedding that everyone worries so much about, but the actual marriage. Will he stick with you right through? How about the times when you're the new awkward bride, tiptoeing into his family room and some distant aunt or cousin decides to be overly judgmental and overbearing?
"I mean, can she even cook?! Our poor Munna, whatever will he do when the food on the table tastes like sawdust?"
How would he react to that? Would he join them in their jeering?
What about the difficult days of morning sickness, bloating, and then labour? What about when you're trying to soothe a sick, crying baby? All the messy times of dirty diapers and the spit up? And how about teenage troubles? The whole point of marrying is so that we don't have to do it all alone, right? Will he hold up his end? Will he be supportive?
Only one way to find out, and we all still get into it, none the wiser. We know the answers to some questions, and yet, there is a lot that could be different, because we all marry different people - some have very sweet families, while some have scary parents and sniveling, complaining, annoying siblings. Will I become the regular Sue who talks about the woes of a woman, and how terrible men and their families are when I meet my friends? Or would I remain the relatively calm, reasonable, objective person I am right now?
I will not blame all men, but I still agree that if he expects her to be an angel, he needs to at least try to create heaven for her. Although some husbands are truly wonderful, a lot of them aren't. I wouldn't want to be a part of petty fights and ego battles for sure. That wouldn't just be exhausting, but beyond disappointing. An accepting, mature, kind, gracious and friendly attitude would be ideal, but would I get lucky to find a new Zeus? I mean, what would be the whole point of proving that one is superior to the other? I think that when 2 people get married, they should function as partners of a team, and should work things out without wanting to tear each others' hair out. We all want soul-mates, but not all of us get them.
I long for slower times when people compromised a little for each other to make a marriage work, instead of rushing into divorces. The divorce rates are scary high, and what's worse, they continue to climb. I definitely wouldn't want to end up as a statistic, as just another divorcee. I'm not much of a Luddite, but I wish that the world would slow down a bit. The way things are going, it's just a whole lot of uncertainty. There's so much change, so much that is not in our control, we are actually in tech heaven, which translates to us becoming couch potatoes and extremely anti-social. Competition makes more people turn into human vultures, hungry for more meat. No more genuinely uplifting, encouraging communities. They're all congregations of carnivorous birds now. Like I said, it wouldn't hurt for the world to slow down a tad. A little old fashion never killed anybody. I prefer the olden day virtue and values that made them all so human. Communities that were built to fortify the collective, instead of setting out alone. I want those things back. I want someone who would appreciate those things too.
In Indian societies, women in their 20s have all the aunties and uncles in their society to answer to, if they are still single. People try to set them up with guys they know, or they talk for hours on the benefits of marriage, which I don't essentially disagree with - I'd just rather not hear the same speech being repeated a million times over.
Besides, all girls want to be married, but we also want out Prince Charming on his white horse. Other people reminding us of ticking biological clocks and waning youth doesn't necessarily help us speed anything up, because, as with all things in the universe, our weddings only happen when they are meant to. I choose to do my own thing until my Prince Charming shows up.
Jokes apart, there's much to be considered when we think of marriage - the responsibility of being a wife, a mother, cooking, cleaning, washing, picking up after other people - it all just comes with the lot, adding to the responsibility of being a woman.
The woman of the house never gets a holiday. In fact, when everyone does get a day off, she suddenly has a lot more to do. More people to pick up after, more party messes to clean and so much more cooking to do. If she even gets an hour to watch TV, she'd probably spend it in quiet meditation, snoozing a little, with her feet up on a cushion.
The question in the mind of every prospective bride-to-be is the same - will he be worth all the work and the sacrifices that come with the new role we take on?
It isn't just about the wedding that everyone worries so much about, but the actual marriage. Will he stick with you right through? How about the times when you're the new awkward bride, tiptoeing into his family room and some distant aunt or cousin decides to be overly judgmental and overbearing?
"I mean, can she even cook?! Our poor Munna, whatever will he do when the food on the table tastes like sawdust?"
How would he react to that? Would he join them in their jeering?
What about the difficult days of morning sickness, bloating, and then labour? What about when you're trying to soothe a sick, crying baby? All the messy times of dirty diapers and the spit up? And how about teenage troubles? The whole point of marrying is so that we don't have to do it all alone, right? Will he hold up his end? Will he be supportive?
Only one way to find out, and we all still get into it, none the wiser. We know the answers to some questions, and yet, there is a lot that could be different, because we all marry different people - some have very sweet families, while some have scary parents and sniveling, complaining, annoying siblings. Will I become the regular Sue who talks about the woes of a woman, and how terrible men and their families are when I meet my friends? Or would I remain the relatively calm, reasonable, objective person I am right now?
I will not blame all men, but I still agree that if he expects her to be an angel, he needs to at least try to create heaven for her. Although some husbands are truly wonderful, a lot of them aren't. I wouldn't want to be a part of petty fights and ego battles for sure. That wouldn't just be exhausting, but beyond disappointing. An accepting, mature, kind, gracious and friendly attitude would be ideal, but would I get lucky to find a new Zeus? I mean, what would be the whole point of proving that one is superior to the other? I think that when 2 people get married, they should function as partners of a team, and should work things out without wanting to tear each others' hair out. We all want soul-mates, but not all of us get them.
I long for slower times when people compromised a little for each other to make a marriage work, instead of rushing into divorces. The divorce rates are scary high, and what's worse, they continue to climb. I definitely wouldn't want to end up as a statistic, as just another divorcee. I'm not much of a Luddite, but I wish that the world would slow down a bit. The way things are going, it's just a whole lot of uncertainty. There's so much change, so much that is not in our control, we are actually in tech heaven, which translates to us becoming couch potatoes and extremely anti-social. Competition makes more people turn into human vultures, hungry for more meat. No more genuinely uplifting, encouraging communities. They're all congregations of carnivorous birds now. Like I said, it wouldn't hurt for the world to slow down a tad. A little old fashion never killed anybody. I prefer the olden day virtue and values that made them all so human. Communities that were built to fortify the collective, instead of setting out alone. I want those things back. I want someone who would appreciate those things too.
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